Mom spends a lot of her time in her bed and the care workers must use a special lift to take her from the bed to the specialized chair that she has. The process must be done in private and I can't be in the room and the reason is because they also use that time as an opportunity to change her diaper. Yes, I said diaper but really what else do you call it?
So when the whole process was done I went back into the room to get mom and the worker told me that mom is constipated. Constipated is word that has been part my mother's entire life. She's always been on a lot of medication that tends to do that. It was my mom's answer to everything. When I was 8 she told me we can't go to Calgary today because "I'm constipated". My mom would say "I don't feel well." and someone, anyone would respond "Why?" and her answer would be "I'm constipated". 20 years later when I would call home and ask her how she was well, you guessed it, the answer would be "I'm constipated". But my mother had a cure for her woes, orange juice. Not prune juice, orange juice did the trick for her. In fact, orange juice was the sacred commodity in our house. In the fridge there would be milk and Tang for the boys and me and in the corner, the good OJ that was reserved for mom and God forbid if ever took a sip of it. It was just a rule, don't touch the OJ because it's mom's for her constipation. To this day I really don't care for orange juice and I'm sure is a psychological thing based deeply in my childhood.
Anyways so I took mom and we went sat in the dining area where there was an abundance of orange juice. I found us a nice table by the window and facing the dining room because it seems to me that mom likes to observe all the goings on. I watched her watch people and I could tell from her eyes that she is thinking things in her head. Some people she would watch and scowl at, where as others she would calmly watch and without any expression. She is thinking and she still does have thoughts and it is obvious from her eyes. I decided then that must be the way to determine what mom thinks when she can't verbalize it.
Then mom started watching me and I watched back. Suddenly out of the blue she says and in a complete sentence without any struggle "What do you think Rick Balharry would say if he saw me like this?" It took a moment for the shock to wear off and I simply told her that he would want to help, and I'm sure he would. Then I gave her more orange juice and that was that she went back to people watching. Then about a half hour later again, in complete sentence and without any struggle she says "Why did he marry me?" Of course she meant my dad and again when the shock wore off I told her the truth which was because she was pregnant. Again, that was that, I gave her more orange juice and back to the people watching.
A nice lady and her husband sat at the table next to us. They spoke Italian and she had brought some home cooking to feed him. It looked and smelled wonderful. Mom and I watched her carefully feed her husband the home cooked meal. Eventually the nice lady offered us some and I politely refused explaining that mom can't chew or swallow very well anymore and isn't allowed solid food. Of course conversation ensued and we discussed our respective situations. Rose and Sam have been married for 53 years and they immigrated from Italy to Canada in 1970. Santo (Sam??) started getting sick 5 years ago and Rose did like my father and many spouses and she tried to keep him at home as long she could but it just got too much for her. Then she said "You and your mother are special". I blushed and I asked her why she thought that and she explained that every caregiver in Bethany was as old as their spouse and to see someone young taking care of their parent is special and my mom must be special because I am willing to do so. I blushed some more and thanked her. Then my mother blurted out "Special" and Rose and I laughed.
The next day my Aunt Clara came to visit with both mom and I. We are sitting in the quiet area on the comfortable couch. Aunt Clara and I are chatting about the American election and out of the blue mom says "Rose is special". There's me crying again because mom still can retain things albeit a bit jumbled but she remembered something.
You know what, mom and I ARE special.
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