Just what I needed

I had an absolutely fabulous time away,  I cannot lie.  Yes, if the phone rang, my heart stopped a bit and I worried that the staff wouldn't feed mom properly, but otherwise, I had a great getaway.
I returned last night and of course the first place I went was to see mom.  The look on her face said it all, her eyes brighten up and she said "You were gone."  The staff told me that she asked about me a couple times and so did Evelyn and Olga and Violet and Bob.   Evelyn said "You left without me," as she thought I had taken the train we were scheduled to take together.  I told her she didn't miss anything and that it broke down and we were stranded for 2 days.  When Robbie saw me he wheeled himself over and grabbed my hand as if to say "Welcome back, I missed you."  It felt really good to know that presence on the ward is appreciated and even better that even with their addled minds, some of residents have emblazoned me in their memories.
The time away was just what I needed and I'm so very glad that I moved back home.  Time in nature, communing with the trees, the water, the mountains and all the creatures that call it home forces me to see the simple loveliness in this world.  When it's in your face, you can't deny it.  The crisp air as it bites at your nose.   The trickle of water as it makes its path in the world.  The majesty of the mountains and the hard beauty they display.  The trees glistening with hoar frost.  The mule deer staring at me while she rested.  The ram who grunted "Leave me alone," when I got near and ran off to find a more desolate spot.  The woodpecker who was too busy to notice me.  Add friends and family and food to the mix and you have a fantabulous 3 days. 
I had times like this with mom.  Mom liked to walk and hike.  She liked to walk by the river and stop and listen to sounds.  Sometimes she would throw rocks into the water and sometimes she would just sit on the riverbanks and enjoy the beauty that this world offered her.   We hiked Mt. Assiniboine, Yamunska, Lady Macdonald, Stanely Glacier and Marble and Johnson Canyons, just to name a few.  It was during these hikes that we had our best arguments, sometimes so loud that the animals would run off and birds in the trees would fly off.  I would bolt ahead and would scream from a distance.  But in nature we would always come to a compromise and the issue would be resolved for now.
It  hurts my heart that mom couldn't join us this weekend.   It hurts my heart that she'll never be able to hike or walk with me again.  But, I'm so grateful that we had those treks together and were always able to put aside our differences and see the peace and beauty in the world.  Today I'll take outside and at least let her feel the crisp, cool air and watch the sunlight dance on the snow.  That's the best I can do.