Lunch today was no different. Mom ate (drank) her lunch and we were able to partake in simple table talk but it qualifies as a conversation all the same. We talked about her card from Rosalie, and old friend. Rosalie recently had a driving assessment and she is no longer able to drive. That can be a big issue for many seniors as it makes them even less independent and it can be difficult for a senior who has driven for 50 or more years to make that sudden change. I asked mom if she missed driving and she said no but she also said she missed Rosalie and in a roundabout way said Rosalie can't come to visit. I asked mom what she did miss and she answered "Going out".
The facility has an outing at least once a week. Some might be to the casino, some are for shopping and some are for coffee and pie in the country and those mom could go on and would enjoy. I went to the rec people as asked that my mom be included in the next coffee and pie outing or something along that line. They agreed to and providing that on the day of the excursion, that she is up to it, her and I will go. She'll like that and I'm sure I will too.
I had some errands to do and mom had nothing on her agenda so I left for a couple hours to do some much needed self-care. Nothing like a good massage to ease a person of anything that ails them. I was hoping to completely relax and lose myself for 45 minutes and instead I found myself asking the massage therapist if massage would be beneficial to dementia patients. A discussion ensued and I learnt about all benefits that many types of massage would have for dementia patients. I mentioned to him how just a few weeks ago I saw how a simple soak in warm water and a hand massage afterwards eased my mother's hand tremors and he recommended doing that daily if possible and also mentioned that it will help with her edema in her hands.
He told me how a foot massage would do the same and would ease agitation or anxiety and that it will also help with the edema in her feet. I have almond oil that I massage my knee with but he recommended something with lavender in it and before I left, I bought some for mom.
When I returned to the facility and to mom she had that look. It's a look that I have come to despise. It's the look of a deer in the headlights where her eyes are big and she is watching everything around her. It's the look that tells me she isn't there. She wasn't.
When she isn't there mom is more alert than in the past and will still communicate quite well. I slowly approached her and said "Hi, mom". She immediately asked who I was and I told her that my name is Lisa and I'm her daughter. She then told me that she doesn't have a daughter. I told her that she does have a daughter and I am her daughter. She told me again that she doesn't have a daughter and was starting to get more agitated. I could see that she was anxious so I wheeled her into her room and armed with lavender oil that I had just purchased, I asked if she would let me massage her hands. She agreed and I gently massaged her hands. After 5 minutes her tremors were gone and she was more relaxed.
Now, I'm not a feet person. I don't like people touching my feet and I especially don't like touching other peoples feet. In fact, I don't like feet touching me on a couch or in a bed and not even my kids feet do I let touch me. Regardless, I asked mom if she wouldn't let me massage her feet and she said yes. So, I removed the snoozies I bought for her on Saturday and warmed the oil by rubbing my hands. With what I'm sure was a grimace of my face I proceeded to massage mom's left foot just as the massage therapist had described. Gently with my thumbs in the sole of the foot and then individually on each toe and in between the toes. I then massaged the right foot in the same manner. By the end mom was calm. It didn't bring her cognitive abilities back, but at least she was calm. She said "Thank you nurse" and throughout the dinner hour and even when I said good night, I was her nurse, not her daughter, but her nurse.
The Lewy-body dementia that mom suffers from differs from Alzheimer's. The main difference is that patients like my mom will have striking fluctuations in their cognitive performance, especially early on and in the end stages. An end stage Alzheimers patient will gradually lose their cognitive abilities and once they are gone, they don't come back. When they lose the ability to talk, they don't anymore and once they don't recognize people, they usually never do again. An end stage Lewy-body patient will have fluctuations like I describe, where in the morning she is fine but a few hours later she isn't and sometimes she will go into a mute stupor. When her mind is working I let myself believe sometimes that she is getting better and I shouldn't do that because only hours later she isn't and my heart sinks again. There are days when I wish that she had just plain Alzheimers because then at least I would know what I'm in for everyday and there would be no changes and no surprises. But when I think like that I always correct myself because with the Lewy-body at least I still get glimpses of my mom and who she was and who she still is. Either way I could really do without the up and down like a toilet seat. It's very draining and some days I wish I could just flush it all away.
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