Even with a flu shot and everyone in who is in contact with mom too, she still got a bit of the flu. The nurse gave her Gravol, checked the fever and we put her to bed. I hung around for a little bit just to make sure. The staff assured me, there was nothing going around the facility and she would be okay. My mind was not at ease. Your hear about Avian Flu, Noro-virus, H1N1, H2N3, H3N1 and so on and so on. What we hear is that people can and do die from the flu. Usually those that succumb to the flu are the elderly. Of course this was on my mind and I did not sleep well that night. I kept thinking, this would be some twisted karmic turn if mom were to make it this far and then die from the flu. The next morning, she was better. Still on bed rest and still not feeling well, but better. The wave of relief over me was warming.
I left for a few days. Everyone again assured me that mom would be okay and not to worry and to just go. So I did and I returned a few days later. My dad was suspiciously quiet on the ride back from the airport. I told him to go directly to mom's home and we did. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming that you would've thought I'd been gone a couple months. I was nice to be home. Down I went to mom's ward but she wasn't around, she was in her room. She was sitting in her new wheelchair looking at the birds. I went and kissed her, said hi and immediately she said.
"Where have you been, I'm sick?"
I told her that I went away for a few days, that I told her I would be away for a few days and I'm back now and she doesn't look sick. She simply kept looking at the birds. The son of my mom's room mate was there and he called me over.
"Lisa, she hasn't eaten for days," he said. "You gotta get her to eat."
Now, understanding why my dad was quieter than usual, I went down to the day nurse and asked what's been going on in my absence. She explained that my mom insists that she will vomit if she eats so no one can get her to eat. She also said that mom had been taking fluids without any problem and there was no fever. But they have been giving her Gravol to relieve any nausea because no one can say for sure if she was nauseous, but in a nutshell, mom was refusing to eat.
It was nearly lunch hour and mom didn't want to eat in the dining room. She claimed the smell was making her sick so we agreed that she could eat on her ward. I went and got her a cup of soup and some crackers. Still, she refused to eat and yelled at me that she is sick and if she were to eat she would throw up. With some not so gentle coaxing, she ate a couple spoonfuls and a cracker. She insisted again that she would get sick but she didn't. I tried to encourage her to eat some more and explained that she hasn't gotten sick and she won't but she will if she doesn't eat. There was no reasoning with her, so I left it.
At dinnertime it was the same thing, only she ate nothing. So I asked her if there was anything that she would eat. Mom thought about it and she responded "A chocolate milkshake". Dad was there so off he drove to get her a chocolate shake and when he returned she drank it all down. That was encouraging and again it stayed down because she wasn't sick. Later we were watching a bit of TV and mom said "I need to see the doctor, I'm sick". Again, I tried to reason with her but it was like talking to a wall. In her mind she was sick and needed to see the doctor. That is my mother. The woman would run to the doctor weekly for anything from a hang nail to a runny nose. That's just the way she was and is. Mom is one of those people who thinks that anything the doctor advises is close to the word of God. So, I put in a request for the nurse practitioner to come and see mom the next day.
The nurse practitioner came the following day. She poked around mom's tummy and told her that she needs to eat. She assured mom that she isn't sick but she will be if she doesn't eat. Mom listened and told her that she would eat. At lunch mom insisted she wasn't hungry, again. This time she wasn't going to eat because of it. I discussed what the nurse had said earlier, mom remembered but simply said "I won't eat if I'm not hungry". That was that. Frustrated I went to my favourite place in the facility, the chapel. I sat and I sat and I sat and I had an 'aha' moment. I asked mom again, that if there were anything she could eat, what would it be. Again, she thought about it and answered "Cabbage rolls". I promised that I would be back with some cabbage rolls at dinner.
In freezer at my father's house were the last bunch of cabbage rolls that mom made. I cooked them and with a great sadness. I reminisced about the loving arguments her and Sylvia Slavin would have about who's recipe was better (I did prefer Sylvia's because she used some bacon). I remembered making them with her and how often I would grimace when she would take little pinch of filling mixture to taste, it had raw meat in it, I still grimace thinking about it. I remembered how important it was to not over cook the cabbage and to make sure the water was heavily salted. I thought about the encouragement she gave me when I six and she first taught me how cut the cabbage and how roll, tightly, but not too tightly. I can still remember my first cabbage roll that I rolled and how it barely held together but to her, it was the best cabbage roll she had even eaten.
I also thought about this. One of the hazards that elderly dementia patients face is malnutrition and loss of appetite. With some it's because of medication, with others it can be depression and others lose their senses of smell and taste. Sometimes the hunger response is diminished, and it doesn't come back. No one likes to eat when they aren't hungry, myself included. With mom, there are so many possible reasons for her aversion to food, that I could speculate for hours.
I took the cabbage rolls to mom. Together her and I ate a few, not a lot, but a few. I knew they were made by mom and I knew these would the last cabbage rolls that I would eat, that were made by my mom. I cried but I was happy she was eating, if only a little bit, she was eating. They were the best cabbage rolls I have ever eaten.
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