There's something about Mary

There are so many changes that are very noticeable now that mom is more cognisant.  I love that at times we can actually converse.  I love that at times she is determined to get better.  I love that at times she wants to eat and enjoys it. I love that she will get bitchy.  I love that when she's there she can write her name and do the Whizword in the paper.  I love that she notices her appearance  and just the other day asked me to bring tweezers and "Pluck these damn chin hairs, I look like an old hag with them," she said.  There is so much of mom that is there that at times I can almost forget that she has dementia.

On the flip side there is a lot of confusion and disorientation, rather than being continual, as in Alzheimer's, it fluctuates and rapidly too.  In a matter of minutes she can go from being there to then being catatonic.  Mom also gets visual spatial disorientation.  I can put just a small portion of food onto a side plate or saucer plate and she insists that it's pile of food big enough for a football player.  Her smell gets disorientated too and last week she insists there was a skunk in hallway because she could smell it.   She also suffers from misperceptions and sometime when I glance over and smile at her she perceives it as something threatening and gets defensive.  You honestly don't know what your going into at any given moment of the day.

Delusions is another drawback.  They can be nothing, like when she wanted to talk with the social worker and change her paper work because she insists she signed a paper saying that she has caused her dementia.  They can also be something and there's something about Mary.

Earlier in week mom made a comment about dad's ironed shirt.   Dad's shirt was not ironed and clearly wrinkly.  Mom said, "I'm glad Mary is doing the ironing for you."

"Who's Mary?" asked dad.

"You know, Mary." she answered.

Dad laughed, "No I don't know".

The next day mom asked if Mary was doing the cooking at the house.  Again we asked who Mary was and again we got no viable answer.  Later that day, mom asked if the house was clean.  I told it was and she said,"Well that Mary always kept a clean house".  I asked again about Mary and again no viable answer.  All I can gather is that in mom's mind, Mary is living at the house, like a house frau and does the cooking, cleaning, ironing and even hemming of jeans.

It's funny really but disturbing too because mom also thinks that Mary sleeps in the bed that she shared with my father.  I have told mom repeatedly that there is no Mary.  I have also told her repeatedly that no one but dad is sleeping in the bed.  She just gives me a look of disgust and turns her head.  I can also see the hurt that this causes my father.  He knows it's the dementia.  He knows that mom's mind is muddled but it still hurts that she would accuse him of essentially replacing her in every way and that she believes it too.  Still, my father takes it in stride and tonight when I asked if he wanted me to cook up the ground turkey that's in the fridge, he joked and said "No, I'll get Mary to do it".