Thursday, 1 November 2012
The Dementia Diary: Halloween apples
The Dementia Diary: Halloween apples: My mom loved holidays. Any holiday and Halloween was no different. Because of my mom, I absolutely love Halloween. It's my favourite time ...
Wednesday, 31 October 2012
The Dementia Diary: The Dementia Diary: We are family
The Dementia Diary: The Dementia Diary: We are family: The Dementia Diary: We are family : One of the nurses asked me today why I come everyday. My answer was simply "She's my mother". Mary sai...
Halloween apples
My mom loved holidays. Any holiday and Halloween was no different. Because of my mom, I absolutely love Halloween. It's my favourite time of year, even better than x-mas or my un-birthday.
Mom taught me little tricks over the years and they stuck with me. She would put the hole in the bottom of the pumpkin, not the top where the stem is. She said it was easier to place the candle on the step, light it and then put the pumpkin over it than to struggle to light the candle with a match and burn yourself (there were no bar-b-que lighters then). She taught me that using a large lid of a jar to scrape the seeds out is easier than using a spoon. For pumpkin seeds, she would melt two teaspoons of butter (not oil) and mix the salt or the cinnamon and sugar or garlic salt into the butter and then coat the seeds in the mixture, that way every seed got some flavour.
Canmore was small in those days and Macleod's was the only store that sold costumes so unless a parent made a trip to Calgary, many of the kids were dressed the same. My mom always made my costumes. One year I was a gypsy. She used an old funky quilt, an old ugly orange shirt of my dad's and she sewed them together to make a gypsy dress. One of her scarves was tied around my head and she used mason jars rings as big gaudy earrings. Another year I was the caterpillar from Alice In Wonderland. She sewed a green, bulky body suit, used black hockey tape and made my Uncle Gene send one of his old pipes because she didn't know what a hookah was. One year when I wanted to be an old lady, she made a fake bun out of the hair from an old wig of hers, greased my hair and the bun with Bryll Cream and dusted it with flour to make grey hair. She took the lenses out of an old pair of sunglasses for ugly glasses and stuffed one of her bras so I had saggy boobs. She was great and creating costumes from what ever was around the house and whatever she could sew. I learnt from the best and I always made my kids costumes, except when Ryley was in his superhero phase.
At mom's home this year they had a pumpkin carving contest that was modified to accommodate the fact that many residents shouldn't use sharp objects. Mom didn't do it but I did with Janice and Alma. Instead of carving our pumpkin, we got red feathers and some felt from the art room and created "Angry Bird". Gerrie, a guy, who lost his wife to breast cancer did a pink pumpkin. There was smokin pumpkin and princess pumpkin and a penguin and it was a lot of fun. Mom watched and seemed to enjoy it.
Today they had a Halloween party and kids from the staff and members of the community came too. Some of staff dressed up and some patients too. They told bad Halloween jokes. We encouraged residents to speak about their superstitions or talk about a haunted place they knew and tell everyone what they did for Halloween with their children. There was punch and cookies and candy and the residents were pleased. Mom when was really pleased when I soaked one of the cookies in warm milk and mushed it up fine enough for her to swallow with the punch. She was alert and watching the kids and the people as they spoke. Then, to my surprise she blurted out "Halloween A-a-pples". I smiled and although this wasn't my usual Halloween with the pumpkin eating baby and bloody hand prints, it was fun and I pray she makes it to Christmas.
Mom taught me little tricks over the years and they stuck with me. She would put the hole in the bottom of the pumpkin, not the top where the stem is. She said it was easier to place the candle on the step, light it and then put the pumpkin over it than to struggle to light the candle with a match and burn yourself (there were no bar-b-que lighters then). She taught me that using a large lid of a jar to scrape the seeds out is easier than using a spoon. For pumpkin seeds, she would melt two teaspoons of butter (not oil) and mix the salt or the cinnamon and sugar or garlic salt into the butter and then coat the seeds in the mixture, that way every seed got some flavour.
Canmore was small in those days and Macleod's was the only store that sold costumes so unless a parent made a trip to Calgary, many of the kids were dressed the same. My mom always made my costumes. One year I was a gypsy. She used an old funky quilt, an old ugly orange shirt of my dad's and she sewed them together to make a gypsy dress. One of her scarves was tied around my head and she used mason jars rings as big gaudy earrings. Another year I was the caterpillar from Alice In Wonderland. She sewed a green, bulky body suit, used black hockey tape and made my Uncle Gene send one of his old pipes because she didn't know what a hookah was. One year when I wanted to be an old lady, she made a fake bun out of the hair from an old wig of hers, greased my hair and the bun with Bryll Cream and dusted it with flour to make grey hair. She took the lenses out of an old pair of sunglasses for ugly glasses and stuffed one of her bras so I had saggy boobs. She was great and creating costumes from what ever was around the house and whatever she could sew. I learnt from the best and I always made my kids costumes, except when Ryley was in his superhero phase.
At mom's home this year they had a pumpkin carving contest that was modified to accommodate the fact that many residents shouldn't use sharp objects. Mom didn't do it but I did with Janice and Alma. Instead of carving our pumpkin, we got red feathers and some felt from the art room and created "Angry Bird". Gerrie, a guy, who lost his wife to breast cancer did a pink pumpkin. There was smokin pumpkin and princess pumpkin and a penguin and it was a lot of fun. Mom watched and seemed to enjoy it.
Today they had a Halloween party and kids from the staff and members of the community came too. Some of staff dressed up and some patients too. They told bad Halloween jokes. We encouraged residents to speak about their superstitions or talk about a haunted place they knew and tell everyone what they did for Halloween with their children. There was punch and cookies and candy and the residents were pleased. Mom when was really pleased when I soaked one of the cookies in warm milk and mushed it up fine enough for her to swallow with the punch. She was alert and watching the kids and the people as they spoke. Then, to my surprise she blurted out "Halloween A-a-pples". I smiled and although this wasn't my usual Halloween with the pumpkin eating baby and bloody hand prints, it was fun and I pray she makes it to Christmas.
Monday, 29 October 2012
The Dementia Diary: We are family
The Dementia Diary: We are family: One of the nurses asked me today why I come everyday. My answer was simply "She's my mother". Mary said that she wouldn't do it for her mo...
We are family
One of the nurses asked me today why I come everyday. My answer was simply "She's my mother". Mary said that she wouldn't do it for her mother and that my mom and I must be close. I told her the truth, mom and I didn't have a good relationship but we didn't have a bad relationship either. I love her because she's my mom and she loves me because I'm her daughter. We would fight and argue a lot and I really can't think of one thing that we ever saw eye to eye on. I would disown her sometimes and she would go to extremes to try to get me to do things her way but it was 'our' relationship, it was "OUR' relationship. I know that if the roles were reversed and I was the one sick and unable to care for myself that my mother would be there caring for me and if someone were to ask her the same thing she would say "She's my daughter".
I then told Mary about my cousin Carrie-lynn. I told her how Carrie came from her home in England, with a toddler in tow, to care for my aunt Jackie who recently passed away after a hard battle with cancer and that Carrie was there fighting with her. I told her about my grandma and how when grandpa couldn't or wouldn't put her in a facility she came to live with us for a quite some time. I told her how when Auntie Jackie split from her husband she moved her three kids and dogs to live with us in Canmore until she could get her own place and I would go everyday after school to check in on my cousins. I told her how when aunt Jackie decided to move up north that uncle Reg and his family helped out how they could. I told how my mom would to Belize every 16 months to see and help uncle Gene who had foolishly moved down there to chase a dream. I told her how when Uncle Gene was broke and stuck in Belize with a sick common-law wife, his sisters brought him back and auntie Jackie then helped him to get set up in Campbell River. I told her how when my cousin Lyndon passed away at a young age leaving two small boys and wife, everyone did what they could and now Maggie is helping out Uncle Gene. I told her how three weeks ago, my brother Doug lifted and carried mom out of bed and to his car and then drove to Canmore so she could see the old house and the neighborhood for one last time. I told her that through my own struggles with my substance abuse disorder, my family (except for my brother David, but he's given up on the family too) have never given up on me. Mary's reaction was "wow".
My uncle Reg came to visit us today. He stopped at the house first and dad and I and him chatted. I made mom some super juice (beets, carrots, kale and apples) and then told him when I'm done, mom will be finished with her nap and we can go and see her. His reaction surprised me "Why", he said. "She won't recognize me anymore". Both dad and I kind of chuckled and told him that she would.
When we got there, mom was still napping. She awoke and when she got more alert I said to her "Look who's here, who is it?" She struggled to get the words out and she said "It's my brother Rennie". Uncle Reg laughed and said "Close enough" and I'm sure I saw a tear in his eye, but he definitely had a happy smile on his face.
We stayed and visited in mom's room. We chatted about this and that and then I said to my uncle. "I hope she makes it to Christmas because that would too much for you to lose both of your sisters in one year".
Uncle Reg agreed and then he said that our family is losing it's matriarchs. Then the only people Uncle Gene can rely on are him, my cousin Brent, and me and dad. Then it hit me. I'm eldest girl of the next generation. I'm the next matriarch. I better keep my shit together and I can think of no better reason to do that. Someone has to keep the stories, recipes, history and the loving dysfunction alive for the next generation, so that they will always know where their roots are and they are deep in this family tree.
We may not talk to each other daily or even monthly. I don't know every detail of their lives or what is always going on. But this much I know for sure, when push comes to shove and someone in the family needs help, well someone in the family will be there. Why, because we are family.
I then told Mary about my cousin Carrie-lynn. I told her how Carrie came from her home in England, with a toddler in tow, to care for my aunt Jackie who recently passed away after a hard battle with cancer and that Carrie was there fighting with her. I told her about my grandma and how when grandpa couldn't or wouldn't put her in a facility she came to live with us for a quite some time. I told her how when Auntie Jackie split from her husband she moved her three kids and dogs to live with us in Canmore until she could get her own place and I would go everyday after school to check in on my cousins. I told her how when aunt Jackie decided to move up north that uncle Reg and his family helped out how they could. I told how my mom would to Belize every 16 months to see and help uncle Gene who had foolishly moved down there to chase a dream. I told her how when Uncle Gene was broke and stuck in Belize with a sick common-law wife, his sisters brought him back and auntie Jackie then helped him to get set up in Campbell River. I told her how when my cousin Lyndon passed away at a young age leaving two small boys and wife, everyone did what they could and now Maggie is helping out Uncle Gene. I told her how three weeks ago, my brother Doug lifted and carried mom out of bed and to his car and then drove to Canmore so she could see the old house and the neighborhood for one last time. I told her that through my own struggles with my substance abuse disorder, my family (except for my brother David, but he's given up on the family too) have never given up on me. Mary's reaction was "wow".
My uncle Reg came to visit us today. He stopped at the house first and dad and I and him chatted. I made mom some super juice (beets, carrots, kale and apples) and then told him when I'm done, mom will be finished with her nap and we can go and see her. His reaction surprised me "Why", he said. "She won't recognize me anymore". Both dad and I kind of chuckled and told him that she would.
When we got there, mom was still napping. She awoke and when she got more alert I said to her "Look who's here, who is it?" She struggled to get the words out and she said "It's my brother Rennie". Uncle Reg laughed and said "Close enough" and I'm sure I saw a tear in his eye, but he definitely had a happy smile on his face.
We stayed and visited in mom's room. We chatted about this and that and then I said to my uncle. "I hope she makes it to Christmas because that would too much for you to lose both of your sisters in one year".
Uncle Reg agreed and then he said that our family is losing it's matriarchs. Then the only people Uncle Gene can rely on are him, my cousin Brent, and me and dad. Then it hit me. I'm eldest girl of the next generation. I'm the next matriarch. I better keep my shit together and I can think of no better reason to do that. Someone has to keep the stories, recipes, history and the loving dysfunction alive for the next generation, so that they will always know where their roots are and they are deep in this family tree.
We may not talk to each other daily or even monthly. I don't know every detail of their lives or what is always going on. But this much I know for sure, when push comes to shove and someone in the family needs help, well someone in the family will be there. Why, because we are family.
Sunday, 28 October 2012
The Dementia Diary: Surprise, surprise
The Dementia Diary: Surprise, surprise: The liquid diet that mom is now on consists of my homemade juice (beet, carrot, kale and apples) and a meal replacement powder, protein powd...
Surprise, surprise
The liquid diet that mom is now on consists of my homemade juice (beet, carrot, kale and apples) and a meal replacement powder, protein powder, cream, vanilla yoghurt and milk all mixed together. It's all vanilla flavoured and when you have that 3 times a day, well it gets boring. So I surprised mom and made it with chocolate milk. She loved it and I literally couldn't get the straw out of her mouth. There are a few residents on mom's wing like Arlene, who only eats mashed potatoes and meat mince and Marie who eats only soup. The workers asked I could make a jug so they could try it with Marie and Arlene. Well, they loved it too. Now I am the official super drink maker. As there are so many flavoured milks out there now, like strawberry, banana, orange and even a mocha, I can get a little creative with it.
Mom went on the nod again at lunch so I wheeled back to her ward. Skate America was on the television. I asked mom if she wanted to watch figure skating or take a nap. I was expecting to hear take a nap but instead mom said "Figure skating". Mom always loved watching three things, figure skating, curling and baseball or and Canadian football but only if the riders were playing. She's not a big fan of football but she was raised in Saskatchewan, so she's riders fan, our whole family are riders fans.
Mom and I sat and watched skating. I haven't watched it for some time and I was amazed by some of the lifts they are now doing. Then out of the blue mom says "Lena Shellian". She surprised me with that. Lena was a much better seamstress than my mom and I'm sure everyone in 'old' Canmore had something made or altered by her at some point. Mom hated working with certain types of material so my skating outfits were all made by Lena. Mom and her were good friends too. We were up at her place often for fittings but more so mom and her could have coffee and some of Lena's cookies or squares and of course to gossip. If Barry wasn't around, I would always wander off to Mr. Shellian's garage and watch him make his one of his bird houses and listen to him talk about his youth.
Eventually she went on the nod again so I tilted her chair back and snuck away to go do some laundry.
When I returned, who do I run into coming out the down but Lloyd and Dawna Evans. Another surprise. Dawna and I had run into each other in June out front of Shopper's Drugmart in Kamloops. We talked back then about how worried we were about mom, comparing notes and trying to figure out what was causing the trouble. Mom was still walking and talking and eating then. Now she can't do any of that.
Lloyd and/or Dawna try to visit as often as they can. Lloyd noted how much ability mom has lost since the last time her saw her in September. I had to tell them that she's lost the ability to chew and swallow solid food and that she was now on a liquid diet. I also had to tell them that she's now a C1 resident and explain to them what that means. They were a little taken back by that revelation. Dawna said that they will be out more often, given the circumstances and that next time she would bring pictures of all the trips her and my mom and Dylan and Cassie took together over the years. Dylan and Cassie were the best of friends when they were young. Dawna and Lloyd have been good friends to the family too. They are wonderful people and they never judged mom or thought any different of her because of her mental illness's.
Lloyd was also a great dentist. Before he started practice in Canmore we had to go to Dr. Knechtal in Banff and he was a donkey dentist. Not Lloyd, he was always comforting and gentle and I've never found another dentist like him. He's worked on three generations of Obrigewitsch teeth. My mom's, mine and Dylan's. Yes, that's my mom's maiden name, what a moniker that one is.
Surprises come in many packages from chocolate milk to a memory to an unexpected visit with old friends. I think mom was a little happier today, at least I hope she was.
Mom went on the nod again at lunch so I wheeled back to her ward. Skate America was on the television. I asked mom if she wanted to watch figure skating or take a nap. I was expecting to hear take a nap but instead mom said "Figure skating". Mom always loved watching three things, figure skating, curling and baseball or and Canadian football but only if the riders were playing. She's not a big fan of football but she was raised in Saskatchewan, so she's riders fan, our whole family are riders fans.
Mom and I sat and watched skating. I haven't watched it for some time and I was amazed by some of the lifts they are now doing. Then out of the blue mom says "Lena Shellian". She surprised me with that. Lena was a much better seamstress than my mom and I'm sure everyone in 'old' Canmore had something made or altered by her at some point. Mom hated working with certain types of material so my skating outfits were all made by Lena. Mom and her were good friends too. We were up at her place often for fittings but more so mom and her could have coffee and some of Lena's cookies or squares and of course to gossip. If Barry wasn't around, I would always wander off to Mr. Shellian's garage and watch him make his one of his bird houses and listen to him talk about his youth.
Eventually she went on the nod again so I tilted her chair back and snuck away to go do some laundry.
When I returned, who do I run into coming out the down but Lloyd and Dawna Evans. Another surprise. Dawna and I had run into each other in June out front of Shopper's Drugmart in Kamloops. We talked back then about how worried we were about mom, comparing notes and trying to figure out what was causing the trouble. Mom was still walking and talking and eating then. Now she can't do any of that.
Lloyd and/or Dawna try to visit as often as they can. Lloyd noted how much ability mom has lost since the last time her saw her in September. I had to tell them that she's lost the ability to chew and swallow solid food and that she was now on a liquid diet. I also had to tell them that she's now a C1 resident and explain to them what that means. They were a little taken back by that revelation. Dawna said that they will be out more often, given the circumstances and that next time she would bring pictures of all the trips her and my mom and Dylan and Cassie took together over the years. Dylan and Cassie were the best of friends when they were young. Dawna and Lloyd have been good friends to the family too. They are wonderful people and they never judged mom or thought any different of her because of her mental illness's.
Lloyd was also a great dentist. Before he started practice in Canmore we had to go to Dr. Knechtal in Banff and he was a donkey dentist. Not Lloyd, he was always comforting and gentle and I've never found another dentist like him. He's worked on three generations of Obrigewitsch teeth. My mom's, mine and Dylan's. Yes, that's my mom's maiden name, what a moniker that one is.
Surprises come in many packages from chocolate milk to a memory to an unexpected visit with old friends. I think mom was a little happier today, at least I hope she was.
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