With a smile

My New Year's resolution this year was to smile more.  Everyone of every age responds to a smile, from babies to dementia patients.  Many dementia patients can't smile but they do, with their eyes and you can see how their eyes will light up when you smile at that them and those that can still smile, will and do smile back.

When I first came to mom's new home, there was also a new resident on her wing that had also recently arrived.  He was not a pleasant man at all, a curmudgeon would best describe him.  I understood him and his angry bird behaviour.  It must be very difficult for some seniors to make the transition from independence to dependence.  I can't imagine the feelings, yet, but I myself might be feeling the same in the future.  Anyone who has spent a life, lived a life and then because of age and illness is forced to give up that life, would be either depressed or angry or both.  I think he was both and I was determined to make life just a little bit more enjoyable for him by being nice and always smiling.

Everyday I would get him a coffee and a glass of juice and always with a smile.  Often I would say, "Good day," and he would respond "What's so good about it".  But I would smile and say "Well, it's another day above ground".  Sometimes he would nod but most times he would simply grunt.  Then one day he asked me why I was so nice to him and what it is that I want.  I told him that I don't want anything and if he preferred, I could be a bitch.  He laughed and laughed and finally asked me what my name was and we became friends.  Overtime he started calling me 'Lisa-sweetie' and coming in to the dining area a little earlier then the other residents so we could chat while help to get the tables ready for the residents.  Once, he even gave me shit for going away for a couple days and not letting him know.  Now, I tell him when I won't be there if I'm going away for a couple days.

I know how he likes his coffee. I know that if his heartburn isn't bothering him that he'll have a glass of orange juice.  It takes me 10 seconds to open a sandwich for him and put it on plate with some ketchup and serve it to him when he isn't keen on what is being served.  Usually if I recommend what is being served, he trusts me and will try it and if he doesn't like it, I remember, and if he does like it, I remember too, so that if the dish is on the menu again, I can remind him that he enjoyed it the last time he ate it.  It's a level of trust.

Recently, I had a day where I wasn't smiling, I was grumpy and tired.  He noticed right off the bat.  He told me "Lisa sweetie, I have come to expect your smile everyday so even if it's a fake smile, just smile".  I did and within minutes I was already feeling better, simply because I smiled.  This week I was busy on Tuesday and had a lot of things to catch up on so I didn't go to the facility and I did tell him.  Then yesterday he said to me "Lisa, I sure miss you when you aren't here," and he said it with a smile.

The other great thing that has happened is with mom.  She has regained so much in the last weeks.  The use of her hands, the ability to understand and follow and participate in a conversation, the ability to recognize feelings and emotions.  But something came back that I have missed so much, her smile has also come back, well that just has me smiling more and more.