I am trying think about what I would like to say about my mom.  All I have it that I miss her.  People loss a lot of people in their lives, friends,  lovers,  family.  But you only ever lose one mom. My mom gave me  life and I miss her.  That's all I got. I MISS HER...
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The Dementia Diary: Stuffing

The Dementia Diary: Stuffing: I can remember last Thanksgiving very vividly.  It was the start of a journey with my mom.  It was the day that I decided I would be by my m...

Stuffing

I can remember last Thanksgiving very vividly.  It was the start of a journey with my mom.  It was the day that I decided I would be by my mother until her time came. It was the day I realized that mom wasn't going to be around much longer.  It was the day that I started feeding my mother like she was a child.  It was the day the journey started.  It was the beginning of the end, or so I thought.   My own life was in shambles.  I was a 40 something woman now living in the basement of her father's house and my mother was slowly dieing right in front of my eyes.  I was bitter and resentful and I didn't think there was fuck all to be thankful for.   I was wrong.  I was sooooooo wrong as I have so many things to be thankful for.

I am very thankful for friends, old and new.  Coming back home and seeing so many familiar faces brought a happiness back into my life that was very much needed. The phonecalls, the emails, the coffee's at Starbucks and the support of my friends helped me to make it through a very difficult time without completely falling apart.  Thank you to my tribe.  I am also thankful for the many new friends that came into my life, although some very briefly.  We shared a commonality that only the loved ones of a person with dementia know and because of that we bonded very intimately and very quickly.  We shared laughter, we shared  advice, we shared secrets, we shared tears and we shared pain, a lot of pain.  The pain of losing a person to dementia is different from anything else because you lose them twice.  You lose them once to the dementia as the pieces of the person they once were slowly disappear and then you lose them again when their body finally decides to go.  That pain can take a caregiver to very dark and dank places.  Without the love and understanding of the friends I made over the past year I would have gotten lost in that darkness and their light led the way.  Thank you all from the top and the bottom of my heart. 

I am very thankful for family.  My kids have been rock solid through all of this.  I really tried to shield them from the reality but you can't.  I thought they would fall apart when they saw just how sick their grandmother was, but they didn't.  Instead my wonderful kids faced the shit life was giving them with love and compassion.  It was my kids that showed me how my bitterness and hatred of the situation wasn't helping anybody and it wasn't helping mom so I turned it around and life seemed that much better.  The shit still smelled like shit but I didn't have to step in it.   Of course I am thankful for my extended family too who went out of their way to make sure that not only was mom not forgotten but that dad and I weren't either.  A lunch date and many tearful phone calls were had during the past year and every one of them lessened the burden that I was feeling.  I'm thankful for my dad.  When I moved home I expected it to be a nightmare and instead it was a dream come true.  I was fortunate to see facets of my father that I didn't know existed.  I realized just how patient, loving and wise my father is and how very funny he is too.  Most importantly I learned just how strong the roots of my family tree are and how the branches will bend but they will not break.

Finally, I am thankful for the time.  I've spent a third of the time in my life trying to please my mom.  I've spent a third of the time in my life hating my mom.  I've spent another third of the time in my life avoiding my mom.  So, I am today so very thankful that I got to spend 11 months of my life caring for my mom.  That time with my mom helped to heal a lot of pain.  That time together helped me to remember all the good times with my mom and made me literally forget the bad.  That time together  helped me to relive some of the wonderful experiences we shared and create new ones.  That time together helped to even re-write some of the history because mom would go back to moments of her past with me and together we changed the endings.  Most importantly that time together made me realize that she was a wonderful, loving and caring woman and that she loved me and I loved her, I really loved her.

I am allergic to celery.  Yes, it's  98% water but whatever the other 2% is, I'm deathly allergic.  Because of the allergy mom had to modify the traditional turkey stuffing recipe to accomodate me and she did so lovingly.  Besides the pies, mom's stuffing ruled.  Here's the recipe.  Happy Thanksgiving from mom and me.

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 pound spicy pork bulk sausage
• 1 cup diced white onion
• 2 cups diced Macintosh apple
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
• 2 teaspoons minced fresh sage
• 1 bay leaf

• 8 cups bread cubes
• 1 cup  milk
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter, melted
• 3 large eggs, beaten to blend

Preparation

Heat oil in heavy large skillet over medium heat. Add sausage; sauté until cooked through and brown, breaking into pieces with spoon, about 8 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer sausage to large bowl. Add  next  ingredients to drippings in skillet. Sauté over medium heat until vegetables are soft, about 5 minutes. Discard bay leaf. Add mixture to sausage. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover; chill. Reheat to lukewarm before continuing.)

Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter 13x9x2-inch glass baking dish. Add bread to sausage mixture. Whisk milk, broth, and butter in bowl to blend. Mix into stuffing; season stuffing with salt and pepper. Mix in eggs; transfer to prepared dish. Bake uncovered until cooked through and brown, about 50 minutes. 

The time has come.

Elaine Mary Remesoff (Obrigewitsch) was born on May 14, 1936 on the farm near  Vibank, Saskatchewan.    She grew up on the prairies of Saskatchewan.  Elaine spent her childhood both enduring the hardship and enjoying the bounties of farm life and community.  In 1958 she married James Arthurs and together they had two sons, Douglas and David.  Elaine and Jim lived in both Alberta and Saskatchewan before later divorcing.  Being a single mother, Elaine went back to her roots in Saskatchewan  and returned to school to get a better education.  There she met Peter Remesoff and in 1968 they were married and later that year had their daughter, Lisa.   Eventually Elaine and Peter moved  the family to  Canmore, Alberta where they resided for  over 30 years.   

Elaine enjoyed many things in her life.  She loved to curl, watch baseball and the Saskatchewan Roughriders.  She was a talented seamstress who also enjoying knitting and was well known for her incredible pie making.  Elaine travelled a lot having seen many parts of Europe, South East Asia, Australia and Central America.  She loved her family, she loved her children and she loved doting on her grandchildren.  She retired from Canada Cement Lafarge in 1998 after 25 years of employment and eventually her and Peter left the mountain community they loved, settling in Cochrane, Alberta in 2008.

Elaine was predeceased by her father Jakob Obrigewitsch, step-father Harry Reinhardt and her mother Agnes Reinhardt (Deck)  She was also predeceased by her older  brother Gerald Obrigewitsch, her younger sister Jacqueline Cross (Obrigewitsch) and her nephew  Lyndon Cross.

She is survived by her devoted husband of 45 years, Peter Remesoff , her sons Douglas Arthurs, David (Sandra) Arthurs and daughter Lisa Remesoff as well as her grandchildren Danielle Arthurs, Shayne Arthurs, Dylan Bardwell and Ryley Sadorsky.    Her brothers Eugene Obrigewitsch and Reg (Clara) Reinhardt are also left mourning her as are many  nephews, nieces, grand-nephews, a grand-niece and numerous dear friends in Saskatchewan and Alberta.

A celebration of Elaine’s life will take place at Our Lady of the Rockies Church, 810-7^th Street, Canmore, Alberta on August 12, 2013 at 11:00 am. 

The family asks that in lieu of flowers, donations be made in Elaine’s name to the Bethany Care Centre, Cochrane, Alberta.  Funeral arrangements by Bow Valley Funeral Service, Canmore, Alberta.

 

The Dementia Diary: The Dementia Diary: I don't wanna grow up

The Dementia Diary: The Dementia Diary: I don't wanna grow up: The Dementia Diary: I don't wanna grow up : I recently read a story about the world's oldest man.  He is 116 years old and he is the...

What's in a word

I'm sure many have noticed that for nearly two months I have not posted on the blog.  The reason is simple.  My mom asked me not to.  Mom has never read the blog and until it was brought to her attention, knew nothing of the blog.  She has been led to believe that it contains nasty lies about her and of course, any one who has read it, knows that is far from the truth.  So, I will focus the blog less on mom and more on dementia and everything associated with it.

I think one of the reasons mom hates the blog is because it uses the word dementia and she has grown to hate that word.  Dementia is a Latin word from de- "without" + ment, the root of mens "mind and it means madness.  Close your eyes and say the word out loud.  What image comes to mind.  I'm sure it is similar to what comes to my mind.  I see a dishevelled person in a straight jacket banging their head against the wall of a padded room.  That image creates a stigma and a big misunderstanding of what dementia in our modern world actually means.  The word is off set when combined with others and sounds more medical.  Close your eyes again and say Frontal Lobe dementia or Lewy Body dementia and what image comes to mind.  If you are like me, than your mind stays blank because we haven't been conditioned to associate anything with those terms.  That is what needs to change.  People need to understand what dementia actually is.  I hope to do that.

More than half the world still believes that dementia is a normal part of ageing.  It isn't, far from it.  I know many people in their eighties and even nineties who are as quick and on the ball cognitively as I am, even more so.  They move a little slower and might even use a walker.  Their bones are weaker.  They might be a little incontinent and use Depends.  They might have some age on-set diabetes or a bit of a problem with high blood pressure and need some medication.  They might forget a person's  birthday occasionally or misplace the TV remote, but don't we all, at any age. They still enjoy playing bridge or crib.  They read, watch TV, gossip over coffee and complain about the state of affairs in the world.   They still engage in normal everyday life.  Normal ageing causes atrophy of the brain.  However, overall cognitive functioning can remain unaffected as people age. The brain may become less efficient, but still be able to do the job.  This is normal ageing and there in no dementia involved, their minds are essentially intact.

Dementia isn't a disease.  It's a syndrome meaning that is has a set of signs and symptoms.  The symptoms involve the cognitive functions of memory, attention, language and problem solving.   Dementia is characterized by a progressive impairment of memory and intellectual function that is severe enough to interfere with social and work skills. Memory, orientation, abstraction, ability to learn, visual-spatial perception, and higher executive functions such as planning, organizing and sequencing may also be impaired.  Dementia can be rapid progressing or slow in it's progression.  Regardless, plaque building up on portions of the brain and atrophy of the neurons and white matter of the brain eventually causes physical symptoms as organs of the body lose the ability to function properly. 

There are over 200 types and sub-types of dementia.  Some types are completely genetic like Huntington's disease.  Frontal lobe dementia and Alzheimer's can be inherited and it was just recently that the mutated gene for these types was finally identified.  There are 11 inherited diseases that will cause dementia.  Diseases like Krabbe disease and Urea cycle diseases.  There are types of dementia like Wernicke's syndrome and Dementia pugilistic and when the causes of the dementia, in these cases alcohol and repeated brain trauma stop, the progression of the disease stops too.  There are 'organic' types of dementia where secondary diseases cause the dementia.  Diseases like syphilis, hypertension and vascular diseases will cause dementia if not properly treated.  There are chemically induced types of dementia in which damage to the brain is caused by exposure to certain types of prescribed medications including anti-convulsive drugs and chemotherapy drugs.  Methamphetamine use and even a one time exposure to anaesthetics can induce dementia also.  In these cases some of the symptoms can and sometimes be reversible  but the initial damage to the brain tissue and white matter are not and often over time, dementia may develop.    

Geriatric medicine is still new in the world of medicine and only a handful of universities and medical schools in North America offer this type of specialization.  Sadly, dementia was first seen in 1907 but not studied again until 1976.  It's a shame that all those years that could have been spent on research and development were wasted.  Regardless, I have faith that things will improve for everyone.  For improvements to be seen we have to educate ourselves and become aware of this absolutely insidious illness and most importantly we need to prepare ourselves and our families.

The University of Calgary is one of the medical schools that does offer a geriatric medicine specialization program.  Recently the department held an on-line seminar on dementia.  Dr. Holroyd-Leduc was the facilitator.  Like my mom, she can't stand the word dementia.  She mentioned that prefers to use terms like 'Cognitive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified' and 'White Matter Hypodensity'.  She also noted the simple fact that people don't understand those terms but they do understand the word dementia.  I'm like mom too, I'm starting to hate the word just as much as she does.

The Dementia Diary: I don't wanna grow up

The Dementia Diary: I don't wanna grow up: I recently read a story about the world's oldest man.  He is 116 years old and he is the last person living in the world that was born i...